Foreword by Richard Quick Five Time Olympic Women's Swimming Coach Stanford University As well as answers to the most frequently asked questions by parents, discussions, insight, techniques for dealing with emotions, and practical advice for responding to specific situations with your children, there are numerous stories told throughout the book that bring you into the vulnerability of the experience the athlete or parent is feeling.

Here is an excerpt from the book, a story that begins Chapter One:       "One hot, muggy summer, I traveled to the Midwest to conduct a seminar on the mental and emotional side of sports with a swimming team. During a break, I saw a little boy about eight years old, in his swimming suit, run into one of the stalls in the boy's bathroom and throw up. Concerned, I asked if he was all right. "Yes," he mumbled, just before he ran out of the stall and back out onto the pool deck.       A few minutes later, when I returned to the pool deck , the coach I was working with approached me and asked if I would mind talking to one his younger swimmers. It was the young boy I had seen in the bathroom.       "He throws up before every meet he competes in, and he'd like to know why that is," the coach said. "I told him you might be able to help him."       "I can try," I said, turning to the boy. After a few minutes of conversation about swimming and his particular events, I asked, "Are you a pretty good swimmer?"      "I guess so .... I don't know," he replied.      "Are your parents very interested in your swimming?"      "My dad is."       I looked around and spotted a man sitting in the bleachers staring at us intently. "Is that your dad over there? The one with the two stopwatches hanging around his neck and the clipboard on his lap?"       "Yes! How did you know?" he asked, wide-eyed.       "Oh, just a lucky guess," I replied.       I asked if his dad attended all his practices. Yes, he did the boy answered. I asked him if he was concerned that his dad might be disappointed in him if he didn't do well. He thought so. Then I asked if he thought his dad might stop loving him if he didn't continue to improve.       He looked at me for the longest time, then finally lowered his eyes and said in a very soft voice, "I don't know."      "It must be very scary not knowing if your dad will still love you if you don't swim fast enough," I said gently, "perhaps scary enough to make you feel so much pressure that you feel sick to your stomach before every big race." He continued staring at the ground, not moving, not saying a word.      "Would you be willing to go over and ask your dad something? Ask him if he will still love you if you don't swim fast enough. Tell him I wanted you to ask this question because you don't know the answer."       He looked up at me, hesitating, and I asked, "Can you do it? I know it takes a lot of courage. I can go with you if you like."       "That's ok... I can do it by myself," he answered. I told him I would be right there if he needed me, and then watched him walk over to his father to ask the question.      The father, who had been watching us while we were speaking, now looked at his slowly approaching son. I was too far away to hear their conversation, but I could easily see the boy, with his head down, ask the question. As his father listened, his face went from stunned surprise to sadness. He glanced at me, then turned back to his son, put his clipboard and pen aside, reached out, and just held him.      There are many fathers (and mothers) who participate in their children's sports to this degree without every realizing the impact they are having upon their children. This father, like many others, became so focused on his son's performance that he failed to even notice how terrified his son had become of disappointing him-to the point of his becoming physically sick to his stomach on a regular basis. This is not an example of a father just being supportive and interested in his child's sport. It is an excessive form of parental control and it produces fear and insecurity in children. How much fear would it take for this son to completely rebel and drop out of sports forever, for fear he could never live up to his father's expectations? Or would there come a time when the amount of pent-up fear became so great that it would cripple the son's confidence and potential in everything he attempted to do in his life? All too often, this latter scenario is a common outcome of a father-son relationship like the one described." If you have any questions or would like more information, please send an email to: Chris@ChristopherAndersonn.com or call toll free: 1.888.479.8900